I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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