so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
