You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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