then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
