totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
