does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
