Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
