If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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