did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize