So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize