god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did not marry a roomba.
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