Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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