I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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