and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
