I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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