Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
