I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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