Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Green mimosas i think yes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
