I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
