Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
