Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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