I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
