Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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