o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
