Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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