I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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