There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
