I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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