I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
