i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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