The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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