I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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