I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
