my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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