I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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