We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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