Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
