all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
