i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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