If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
