morning after pill = breakfast in bed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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