Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
