i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
