Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
