I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
