Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
