I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You need Xanax blowdarts
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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