I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize