He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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