How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
