I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
