He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
