You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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