It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
