I'm eating all of the evidence.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
