Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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