is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
