so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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