he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
