please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
should my penis look like a turkey
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
