Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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