I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
