I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
