forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
