After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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