Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You made out with two different species that night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
