You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
