I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
